Okay, are you ready for Part 5?
Good, because today’s mission is to jot down a jolly good log line.
Huh?
A log line. You know, that one sentence you scream at an PEA (publisher/editor/agent) as they whizz past you at a writers conference.
Oh, that. But I can’t tell anyboy what my story is about in one sentence.
Well, suck it up because you have to. Hey, you do it on Twitter all day long.
Right, I’ve already explained it but for the benefit of the few sitting at the back of the room playing ‘Angry Birds’ on their i-phones, a log line is one short, sweet, grab you by the seat of your pants, sentence that explains your whole story. Simple
Easy. Now for the hard bit.
But why do we have to do the log line thing now? I want to plot.
We do the log line now because it will help you stay on track when writing your novel. Plus, if a PEA asks what your current work in progress is, you’ll be able to tell them minus the ‘..and then this happened’ or ‘..oh, I forgot to tell you about so-in-so at the beginning’…. See how it all makes sense? You need to hook them and quick. A good log line will do that.
Would it surprise you if I said PEA’s really do want to know what your novel is about? The problem most writers have is they just cannot get the right words out quick enough. In some instances you have a mere ten seconds to hook your listener. Choosing the right words is vital. Get it right, and you are on your way.
So, how can we do that?
Basically, a log line consists of four things. Seems simple doesn’t it? Think again. Nothing in life worth having is simple. *Cheesey grin*.
Lets take a closer look at what these three things are.
1. A main character, who
2. Has a mission or a goal, but
3. Must overcome an obstacle or some kind of opposition
4. Before all hell breaks loose.
First, our protagonist is our main character or ‘hero’. The goal is what he/she wants and the obstacle is what is stopping he/she from reaching it. All hell breaking loose is what happens if he/she fails in their quest.
For example:
In the first of the ‘Twilight’ series, (the aptly named ‘Twilight’), the protagonist is school girl, ‘Bella Swan’.
Her goal is to find out more about mysterious class mate, ‘Edward Cullen’.
Her obstacle is that he is a vampire and vampires like to drink humans dry.
All hell breaking loose is that Edwards vampire enemies want to kill her.
Now we have that down, is there anything else we need to create a great log line?
Hell, Yes!
First, we must be perfectly clear. We may understand what is going on in our story, but the PEA reading our log line doesn’t know squat and has absolutely no idea what it’s about.
You need an example? Oh, alright, I’ll tell you my very first ever log line. No laughing.
An American socialite witnesses a murder and goes on the run from the MOB and FBI, but an attempt on her life leaves her with selected memory loss and it is up to a London police officer to uncover her past before they’re both assassinated.
And breathe. No choking. Excellent, lungs refilled? Then let’s continue.
There are so many things wrong with this log line, it would be easier to tell you what’s right with it….absolutely nothing. It’s too long – another ten words and I’d have a completed novel. It has too way too much back story, and blah, blah, blah.
So what went wrong? I followed the rules. I have my protag and antag. I have the goal and all hell breaking loose.
Well, yes that’s true, but then I just threw everything on the page and hoped the words would sort themselves out while I grabbed a cuppa and watched NCIS. Let me explain – Writing the words is only part of the processes. The order in which we place them is a whole different ball game.
Thanks to the awesome Kristen Lamb, the format for a log line should be something close to this:
An ADJECTIVE NOUN (protagonist) must ACTIVE VERB the (Antagonist) before SOME REALLY HORRIBLE THING HAPPENS (stopping the protagonist from reaching her goal).
Now, if I’d presented my log line correctly the finished product may have looked something like this instead:
‘A quiet museum curator suffering from amnesia must uncover her secret past to unlock the real reason the mob has put out a contract for her life.‘
One thing to remember: The main logline is one sentence.
And please bear in mind that squeezing ten commas and a couple of semi-colons between one hundred and fifty words doesn’t constitute as ONE sentence….more like a splitting headache and a weekend recovering at the Priory. So, one sentence = 30 or less words.
Ok, I’ve embarrassed myself enough (something I seem to do a lot on this site), and now it is your turn. Be brave and mirror in the comment box your first vs current log lines. Alternatively, if you have a log line you need help with, add that too. Everyone will be kind, I promise
Have you had a novel requested off the back of a log line? Do you find writing log lines hard or easy? Come on, don’t be shy….you know how I love talking to you guys.
It is recommended/encouraged to incorporate the inciting event into the log line?
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I personally don’t include the inciting incident. If I did, my log line above would have to declare the protag had amnesia because she was thrown from a bridge. It’s too much backstory – plus, I don’t want my readers to know what the inciding incident is. I like it to be a surprise when they begin reading 🙂
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I had come across a format similar to Kristen’s before writing mine. I couldn’t find my original, but this is the latest version:
“Physically and emotionally scarred, a teenage girl must face her worst fear, or lose the boy she loves to the powerful call of an ancient magic.”
Don’t know how it measures up, but thanks for this post. It’s important to be able to sum up a story with a blurb like this… even for self-pubbers that won’t be chasing down agents or publishers.
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Hi Laura,
I would change it slightly. i.e. start it as “A physically and emotionally scarred teenager must conquer her darkest fear …….”
Also, why not just say what the fear is? Give us a little more to build up a picture. For instance, one of my darkest fears is Michael Myers from the Halloween franchise (I know, don’t laugh). But, if I started a log line as “A paranormal writer must face her darkest fear…” it could be anything. However, “A paranormal writer must outsmart an escaped serial killer…” It gets straight to the point and sets up who the antagonist is.
In your log line, I’m not sure who the antagonist is. Is it her fear or the ancient magic – or are they one of the same?
This also goes for the second part of the log line. You have the right words, just not necessarily in the correct order.
At the moment, all I know is that a girl has to face something to save her boyfriend from being lured into evil by magic? Do I have the gist of it correct?
So (without knowing the actual story), I would end it “…..before her high-school sweetheart is lured into the world of magic and lost forever.”
You must define who or what the antagonist is. What is the one thing stopping this girl from reaching her goal?
It may be that “A physically and emotionally scarred teenager MUST find an ancient book and destroy the powerful magic attached to it BEFORE it’s lure consumes her high school sweetheart and he is lost to evil, forever.”
Or something like that. It’s the template you have a little muddled.
Protag MUST do something to obtain a GOAL BEFORE something REALLY BAD HAPPENS.
Let me know how you get on.
Does anyone else have any comments on this?
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Hmmm… is this better?
“A teenage burn victim must overcome her fear, and face a dark, ancient magic before it claims the life of the first boy to ever see past her scars.”
By the way… has any one told you today that you’re AWESOME??? Thanks a bunch for the advice! Means the world!
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LOL! Awesome, eh? Nope, nobody has told me that today but I will make sure everyone knows you said it 🙂
Okay, ‘A teenage burn victim…. – good. Straight away I have a picture of in my mind of this girl.
‘must overcome her fear….. – of??? What is her fear? Spiders? Pickled Onions? 🙂
‘and face a dark, ancient magic…. – why face? why not ‘defeat’, or ‘overpower’?
‘before it claims the life…. – change the word ‘claims’. It’s too widespread. Is this magic going to kill or possess?
‘the first boy to ever see past her scars’ ….. – this last part is wrong. So the boy sees past her scars, it still doesn’t tell me who he is to her. What does he mean to this girl?
One thing I do need to know is what her being a burn victim has to do with the ancient magic. They have to be linked in some way. For example, if the ancient magic was an ‘ancient magic of fire’, then the two would be linked. Does that make sense?
And, why does this ancient magic want the boy? Why is he so important to the magic?
Keep going, Laura. Log lines are so hard and I absolutely hate writing them. But, they are so important. xxx
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Thanks a bunch, Donna. You really are great! I’ll keep working on it with all your questions in mind. Appreciate you taking time to help.
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[…] Log Lines – part of Donna Newtons “So You Want To Be An Author” series. Excellent description of how to generate a powerful one-sentence summary. […]
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This is something I struggle with. One sentence is really hard for me.
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Jillian, that’s because we have way too much to say, lol.
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[…] post by Donna Newton on the importance of log lines in writing with some great instructions on how to put one […]
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Hi Donna!
I remembered reading this series in May, shortly after I found your blog. I am a Beta reader for a paranormal m/s. Of course, one of my questions was what is the logline or elevator pitch. She replied that she wasn’t very good at them, but agreed to send me a summary. As I read the summary, I realized I didn’t want to know what was going to happen in the story. So, I came to your blog & found the post I needed to send to her.
I am excited abot being a BR again, especially reading a paranormal m/s!
Thanks for your help – as always! 🙂
Monique
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