I was going to blog about writing today, but a wierd thing happened to me at the beginning of the week and with it, mixed responses. It made me question whether my decision was right or wrong. Let me explain.
On Monday, I’d arranged to see a friend. As I neared her house, a police car drove up behind me, lights flashing and sirens wailing. I pulled my car to the kerb to let him pass and then continued on my way.
The police car stopped not far from my friends house. Passengers from two stationary buses had unborded and the police officer were talking to a young man.
I got to my friends front door, watched the police for a few minutes (as I’m nosey), then went inside.
An hour later there was a knock at the door. My friend was busy making lunch and asked if I would answer it. When I opened the door, a young man smiled, apologised for bothering me, and politely asked if I would telephone for an ambulance as he had chest pains. I recognised him immediately as the young gentlemen the police had removed from the bus some sixty minutes earlier, and I questioned him on this. He confirmed it had indeed been him and that he’d only been trying to get to the hospital.
The smell of alcohol was evident, and his demeanor suggested he’d had more than one drink. Nevertheless, I told him to wait where he was and I would telephone an ambulance.
After I shut the door, my friend asked who had knocked. I explained the situation to her and then telephoned the local police station. They asked several questions: How old was the gentleman? What was he wearing? My friends address? I explained the earlier bus situation and that I suspected the young man to be intoxicated, hence why I opted to phone the police and not an ambulance. The police said they’d send an officer and also contact the medical service.
I relayed this message to the young man, who still waited on the doorstep, and then shut the door again.
Outside was absolutely freezing and at this point I also considered taking out a blanket to keep him warm. My friend laughed at me and said she would have sent him on his way. But, her mum said she would have done the same as I.
Also, by now the man had drank another can of beer and now lay on the doorstep.
Less than ten minutes later a paramedic arrived. He parked a few houses down and my friend told me to go outside and get him – which I did. The paramedic checked the man, who was now unresponsive and to be honest, looked dead.
Eventually, the man opened his eyes. The paramedic worked wonders. Within two minutes we knew the guys name, age, and that he stayed in a shelter. He was only twenty-five. This revelation brought tears to my eyes. How could someone so young have already reached such a low?
The paramedic discussed the complaint of chest pains and explained that an ambulance was on it’s way but the young man couldn’t lie just to get a warm bed for the night.
Then the ambulance arrived and the man was propped up and helped into the back.
At this stage I went back indoors.
My friend thought I was totally nuts even entertaining this man in the first place, and my sister, who I later retold the story to, agreed. However, my mum and my friends mum said I’d acted correctly. My husband sat on the fence with his decision because he knows me and understood my conscious wouldn’t, regardless of this mans lifestyle, let me live with turning him away.
I am not a stupid person. I have worked for the police. I know how to deal with people, how to question people (well, apart from I when I am with Kristen Lamb and we visit Bonsai Gardens, but that is a whole other story), and under no circumstances would I have invited this person into the house.
So, my question to you is this. What would you have done? In today’s age, where people are attacked in the street and passersby don’t lift a finger to intervene, was I right? Would you have done the same? Or, was my friend and sister right? Should I have ignored him and closed the door?
It’s a tough call, but I think you were right. No one wants to put themselves in jeopardy, but if we don’t act like human beings to one another, that’s a sad thing, IMO. I would have done the same.
LikeLike
Phew. It’s nice to know there are others out there like me. Thanks Callene xx
LikeLike
Why didn’t the police call an ambulance an hour earlier when they were talking to him? I think what you did was compassionate. I can see the other side though. Possibly worrying about your safety. He could have had a weapon and barged into the house and hurt or robbed you and your friend. But it sounds like he was respectful and polite, so I think you did the right thing. It sounds like the police thought he was pretending to be sick so he could go to the hospital where it was warm? But if he was staying at a shelter, it sounds like he had a warm place to go. I think you did the right thing.
LikeLike
I am a bit of a nutter, so the weapon wouldn’t have worried me. Lol.
Failing that, I could have thrown my friend in his path as I made for the back door 🙂
LikeLike
That’s funny. And it’s good you weren’t afraid. All that ninja training you have been doing when you aren’t writing?
LikeLike
Lol, yeah, something like that. Or, I could just talk them to death 🙂
LikeLike
Hello Donna,
First, thanks for having such an informative blog. As a writer, I’m constantly looking for things that might help me. Now on to the stranger at the door. I think this situation could be looked at in more than one way.
The first, is that in todays times, it is better to be on the cautious side. No two ways about that. Every day kids and adults go missing. An offer of help, to a stranded motorist, or answering a door, can be the end of a person, that might never be seen again because of an act of kindness.
So I feel you were doing the right thing. But you also showed kindness in worrying about a man, that unfortunately was down on his luck.
I had a situation, a few years back, where I wanted to show kindness but wanted to be cautious as well.
My mom, who had been standing on the other side of the car, and I were getting ready to go eat in a restaurant. I was getting my daughter, who was a baby at that time, out of the car, on the opposite side of where my mom stood.
This man, smelling of beer, came up behind me, asking for money to be able to take a bus somewhere. It was obvious, he probably just wanted more beer, but I could not come right out and say no, because of my baby nearby. He could have acted out in anger,endangering my daughter, so I gave him five dollars.
My mom, the whole time, from other side of car, said No we’ll take you to get a meal inside, etc. and to me, do not give him money.
I still felt the need to be cautious, and I wanted to help him, as well.
I also, had a man, in rough clothes, ask for money. He came up to my opened car window, as I waited to pull out into the road.
So life can hand us many situations, some I think to test us (our kindness towards others) and times when people are scammers and just wait for those with a kind heart to pray upon.
So do not feel bad, it was right to be cautious, but it was good to follow your kind heart as well. 🙂
LikeLike
Veronica, Wow. You really have had your share of decision making, haven’t you.
A horrific story has been left on my facebook page relating to this post. If you’re interested, check it out. http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1422189416
I suppose it just goes to show what could go wrong.
Thanks for stopping by and for the blog compliment. 🙂
LikeLike
If someone like your friend was with me, I would have done what you did. However, if it was my house, and I was by myself, no way would I have opened the door. I would have talked to him through the door and told him I was calling the police. Our police is fantastic; they respond quickly, and in numbers. 🙂 Glad it didn’t turn out badly; you have to be so careful these days.
LikeLike
The time of day is a big factor. This was about one in the afternoon and there was a house full of people. If I had been at home on my own, I still would have opened the door – even though my front door cannot be seen from the lane (road).
If, however, it had been late evening, I’m not so sure I would have opened the door. Like I say, I am not a silly girl. Scatty sometimes (well, most of the time… okay,all of the time), but not silly.
I once had a stranger knock on the door. It was in the afternoon and he was an ex-convict who was selling household cleaning products. He showed his identification, like that means anything these days, and told me I had nothing to worry about and that he wasn’t a threat. I smiled and said “What makes you think you are safe with me?” It stunned him for a moment, lol.
LikeLike
I think what you did was compassionate. I probably wouldn’t have opened the door, but I’m kind of paranoid that way. When I was in college, there was a serial killer terrorizing the city I lived in. I think he ended up killing 4 women over the course of a year. They figured out his method was knocking on doors in the middle of the day with some excuse or another. Women would open the door and he’d either kill them there or abduct them and kill them elsewhere. He struck in broad daylight and there were never any signs of forced entry into the houses. I remember at the time even being afraid to go check my mail at the end of my driveway in the middle of the day. So since then, I pretty much don’t open my door unless my husband is home or I’m expecting someone. It’s sad that I have to be that way–because sometimes people truly do need help–but it’s a scary world we live in.
LikeLike
Roni, I don’t think there is anything wrong with your reasons for not opening the door unless your husband is home. In fact, you’ve just proved how stupid I probably was and am. A friend of mine tells another story on my facebook page that it’s still not safe when your husband is home.
I think I would still open the door, providing it is daytime and the person didn’t look too frightening. But then again, I have not experienced anything like you did.
Thanks for sharing your story. They are such eye openers.
LikeLike
Donna, this story reminds me of a part in a novel I just read by Santa Montefieore called The Perfect Happiness. Just the title alone sounds like something I would read, doesn’t it? lol 🙂
But I would have handled the situation exactly the same. And Donna, this is happening to a lot of young people. I won’t go into it, but they can’t find jobs here in the US anyway. These are crazy times my dear.
Thankfully you weren’t alone at the house. That would have been creepier.
Oh, and have fun a the morgue. (I can’t believe I just said that!)
LikeLike
That does sound like your kind of story 🙂
And I am just looking at pictures and videos of the morgue. Haven’t ventured into one yet. Luckily, this scene doesn’t require it. ….. Have you seen the prices for the equipment they use? So expensive!
LikeLike
Hey Donna,
I read all the posts on here and it’s very scary indeed what we women face alone, and even when there are family members at home. I’m getting ready to get offline but I just wanted to say your in no way stupid for being trusting. It is what we want to believe and even though things are getting worse before our eyes, we still want, need to believe there is good in the world. For if we don’t have that belief, what will we hang on to? What will get us through each day in a world gone black, cold and unforgiving?
Thanks for writing this blog today to make me, as well as the other posters on here think more about life, the good, the bad and the ugly. And in this way we appreciate all the kindnesses we experience even more.
Come visit my blog anytime, love to have you. It’s more of a personal blog, but I put links to things I find of interest– ever now and then.
LikeLike
Thanks Veronica.
And I’ve been over to your blog. Thanks for inviting me. 🙂
LikeLike
Donna, this is a sad story and glad he was harmless…but so tragic for so young. I think you did all the right things, and I would have wanted to bring him a blanket too…although, I might not have answered the door at first. Since becoming a mom, I worry about putting myself (or my son) I harm’s way…I think if something were to happen to me what would become of my son? Who would guide him as best as his mother? So my self-protection comes first for my son…hence why I no longer desire to jump out of an airplane, flip people off while driving, bungy jump or want to send in my video to be on Survivor…
I would have given him a blanket, locked the doors and called the police as you did…hoping that poor guy gets help and someone to help him stand up in life again. Perhaps you did that for him – and he will pay it forward?
LikeLike
Hi Donna,
You sound so much like me. The only thing I wouldn’t do is jump out of a plane or bungy jump as I have a fear of falling. I am swimming with sharks in Guadalupe this August. And still trying to get the ‘road rage’ under control, lol.
LikeLike
Donna, I think you did the right thing, but maybe I’m saying that because it worked out okay? I’ve done things like this that worked out fine, so I usually feel I made the right decision. But if he had been dangerous or violent or crazy? If he’d come inside and hurt you or your sister? I’m not so sure. What do you think? Does the good outcome color your evaluation?
LikeLike
Hi Diane,
I suppose the way I look at it is this. I could not have lived with myself if something bad had happened to him as a result of my not helping him. I know that after the ambulance took him away, I did not have to worry anymore. I’d done my bit.
I tend to think people are good until they prove otherwise. And I am just one of those people who has to help others. It’s not always a good trait to have, though 🙂
LikeLike
As I read the post, I suspected the guy was an alcoholic. Perhaps he was going into DTs, which can be deadly.
I don’t think you did wrong. I think you did what your conscience dictated.
Some time back, I was taking out the mop water. I always pour it down the driveway and wash the mop bucket and mop around the side of the house.
As I performed this chore, I saw a young woman go up the driveway of a house across our cul-de-sac. I pegged her for a door to door salesperson and tried to hurry back into the house. As I did, she spotted me.
I heard footsteps pounding the pavement behind me. As I tried to get myself inside my house she began to scream at me. “Hey! Heyyyyy!”
I got inside the house and put the screen door between us. The young woman told me she had had a fight with her mother and needed to use my phone. I told her to go up to the corner store. It is literally only a couple of blocks.
There was no way I was opening the door to her. I have often wondered if I did the right thing.
LikeLike
Catie, I think you did exactly the right thing. If someone came running across the road, shouting at me, I would have run into the house too.
First rule of helping someone is making sure we are safe first. This woman you speak of does not sound all the ticket.
Your conscious should be clear 🙂
LikeLike
I think you did the right thing, Donna. We have police and paramedics so that they can sort out these things. I would bet you dollars to donuts that the drinking had a great deal to do with why the man was in the shelter. Until he hits bottom, favors are no favors at all, but I would have still called the police like you did rather than just shutting the door.
I would mention that you were also right to not let him in, particularly with the insane gun laws that are in place in the UK.
LikeLike
Piper, I really thought the comments were going to be mostly “you wally”, and “you idiot”, but they haven’t. It’s nice to see that people still feel an duty to help others.
LikeLike
Hi Donna
I think you did right, the Police are the right people to deal with these sort of situations because they’re trained, experienced and impartial. It’s hard to know what lifts people and what depresses them. Walking a mile in someone else’s shoes in a pretty good idea sometimes (as long as the heels aren’t too high!).
Cheers!
LikeLike
Exactly. There was nothing else I could have done to help this man.
Oh, and I love heels! Although I bet you have heels higher than mine 🙂
LikeLike
Hey Donna, I’m on the side that you did the right thing. I also think if it was me and I was alone, I would’ve talked to him through the door like others have suggested. The fact that others were in the house made it safer for you. I tend to trust people far too much, but stories like Roni’s freak me out and make me a tad paranoid. Showing compassion though trumps paranoia any day of the week.
LikeLike
I agree with the screen door being shut. Thing is, in the UK we don’t have them. My friends front door is wooden with a frosted glass window. The only way to see who is at the door is to open it.
It makes you think how easy it would be for someone to just barge in once that latch is unlocked.
I’ve just thought, I’m losing my street-cred showing what a softie I really am, aren’t I? lol.
LikeLike
Lovely story, remain as you are, I never want to be desensitised and turn anyone who seeks assistance. We have an inherent mechanism called “intuition” which we should consult whatever anyone instructs or demands of us! It always gives good and safe instructions.
Thanks very much for sharing the story!
LikeLike
Ah, thank you so much. It’s lovely to hear that so many of us are caring and would help others.
LikeLike
I’ve lived all over the US working in every city via production/writing for film/tv. I am now “safe” in my home town in the Panhandle of Texas. Everybody has a cell phone. Everybody knows I work at home. Everybody calls if they’re coming by… even if it’s from the driveway.
If the phone rings… I have a machine for that “announcing who’s calling”. If the doorbell rings and I don’t know who it is? I “might” peak out to see.
City girl habits.
LikeLike
I think you handled it perfectly, Donna. Very emotive story and some would not handle with the care you did.
LikeLike
Thanks Marcia. And I live to see another day, lol. I do have a way of attracting nutters. I am known as the ‘Wierdo Magnet’. lol.
LikeLike
[…] Donna Newton tells an empathic story about encountering a stranger in an odd situation in her post, Stranger at the Door – What Would You Do? […]
LikeLike
I think you handled it beautifully. Yes, we live in a frightful world and the whole thing could have ended badly but I think if he was going to try to cause you or your friend harm, he would have try to push himself in the house. You called the police and let them handle it.
Yes, you could have tried to talk to him through the door but…if it were me, I’d have opened the door. We don’t even have a peep hole at home so?!?!? Again, if this was someone who was trying to “get” you, they likely would have knocked and pretended to be a delivery person etc…
Good move….Smart and compassionate.
LikeLike
I’d have kicked his ass if he’d tried anything, lol. Seriously, though, it wouldn’t have occurred to me to do anything less.
Sounds like we are two peas in a pod 🙂
LikeLike
I have a hard time trusting people, but at the same time my heart bleeds for those in need. Your story touched me, Donna. I don’t think you did anything wrong. I probably would have done the same thing – not ignore him, contact the authorities, and consider giving him a blanket. He may have been drinking to stay warm? That and he was probably starving. Beers fill me up. Poor guy. You are a good person.
LikeLike
I know I would still be worrying about him now if I hadn’t helped him.
Thanks so much, Tiffany. By the sounds of the comments here – we are all kind hearted and caring 🙂
LikeLike