A log line is one short, sweet, grab you by the seat of your pants, sentence that explains your whole story. Simple 😀
“What?” I hear you gasp. “I can’t do that! It’s taken me over 70 thousand words to tell my story.”
Well, suck it up. You now have to tell it in less than 30. :p
“But why?”
Oh, stop whining :p One very good reason is this: Agents and editors are extremely busy people. If you’re lucky enough to get ten seconds of their time to ‘pitch’ your idea, trust me when I say you’ll wish you had a log line. The last thing agents want to hear are ‘..and then this happened’ or ‘..oh, I forgot to tell you about so-in-so at the beginning’. You need to hook them and quick. A good log line will do that.
Don’t’ worry, though. Like every professional, and I’m going to use a chef as an example because I’m very hungry and cannot stop thinking about food – crumpets topped with cheese and tomato to be precise… DONNA! Back away from the crumpets! *cough, cough* where was I? Ah yes, log lines….your finished product will only be as good as the ingredients you use.
Here is what you’ll need (courtesy of author and social media expert, Kristen Lamb).
1 drop of protagonist
1 cup full of antagonist
1 spoonful of active goal
Mix well and leave to settle.
See, simple.
But, beware. If you fail to use the ingredients as instructed, your log line just won’t rise to the occasion. Oh, alright, I’ll tell you my first log line. No laughing.
An American socialite witnesses a murder and goes on the run from the MOB and FBI, but an attempt on her life leaves her with selected memory loss and it is up to a London police officer to uncover her past before they’re both assassinated.
And breathe. No choking. Excellent, lungs refilled? Then let’s continue.
There are so many things wrong with this log line, it would be easier to tell you what’s right with it….absolutely nothing. It’s too long, has too way too much back story, and blah, blah, blah.
So what went wrong? I followed the recipe. Well, yes that’s true, but then I just plonked everything on the plate and hoped no one would notice. Let me explain – Writing the words is only part of the processes. The order in which we place them is a whole different ball game.
The format for a log line should be something close to this:
An ADJECTIVE NOUN (protagonist) must ACTIVE VERB the ANTAGONIST before SOME REALLY HORRIBLE THING HAPPENS (stopping the protagonist from reaching her goal).
Now, if I’d presented my log line correctly the finished product may have looked something like this instead:
‘A quiet museum curator suffering from amnesia must uncover her secret past to unlock the real reason the mob has put out a contract for her life.‘
Ok, I’ve embarrassed myself enough (something I seem to do a lot on this site), and now it is your turn. Be brave and mirror in the comment box your first/final log lines. Alternatively, if you have a log line you need help with, add that too. Everyone will be kind, I promise 😀
Now, I’m off to make some crumpets….
Great post! Hmm. My first log line. . . . A young woman who battles a brutal, post-apocalyptic theocracy to win freedom for her people. Note the lack of a real antagonist there.
Now, with your help and Kristen’s, it’s, “A huntress must befriend her worst enemy to overthrow a theocratic dictator before he exterminates her people.”
It’s like a Tyra makeover, isn’t it? Lol.
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Hmm, so far, I have more of a hook with stakes than a log line:
To save the world from a power-hungry immortal, a reformed con artist must sacrifice her family, the husband and son she’s fought so hard to deserve.
(or the short version: To save the world, a mother must sacrifice her family.)
In the log line formula, this would probably work out to something like:
A reformed con artist must escape from an immortal’s mind control before her husband and son become pawns in his scheme to enslave the world.
And yes, I just pulled that from thin air, so I’ll take suggestions on fixing my first stab at it. 🙂
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“Careless words and magic cause the wrong girl to be kidnapped, revealing old mistakes and new schemes in the battle between good and evil.”
Not bad for a newbie writer’s third attempt, but there’s not much antagonist there, is there? Let me try that again.
“The wrong girl is taken under magical contract. Now she must protect her new Master from a demonic rival who will exploit his old mistakes to gain the powerful knowledge he possesses.”
Hmm. That’s getting longer than I’d like, but… Anyway, tell me what you think 🙂
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Ouch! Mine was actually two sentences.
A female troll becomes a tooth fairy. A job that isn’t as easy as it sounds.
Sad lack of protagonist in there. But I’m not sure this one is any better.
A young female troll must stop a monster before it kills children in Southern California.
I’ll work on it.
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Oh, maybe this?
A female troll discovers that part of her job description as “tooth fairy” is stopping a deadly monster before it strikes again.
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Hopefully this fits in with the logline idea.
“Billy Bob finds that making friends can be hazardous to your mental health.”
Sometimes I wonder if all I am doing is running is circles!
I guess that goes with the mental health hazard in my book. LOL!
Love your blog! Keep it up!
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I have Jami’s problem. I’m good at writing hooks but am still struggling to turn it into a log line. Thanks for the advice.
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You made something that can be dreadful so much easier to handle. I love the formula you offered too. Thanks for the useful info!
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As you and Karla know, I’m not at that evo yet with WWBC, but I do have an unfinished novel that had the following log line.
A German-born American-raised nanotechnologist prodigy must travel back to pre-WWII Berlin to save the world after creating a time machine for the psychopathic owner of the technology company he works for.
Breath, breath, breath.
How about,
A time-traveling scientist must kill his psychopathic benefactor before he gives Hitler the advice that will win WWII.
Like Jami, I’m open for any and all suggestions.
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Love it! I need to work on my log line. I’ve let my WIP sit on hold for too long. I need to pick it back up and breathe new life into it. Working on the log line might get me back in mind of the story.
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Awesome. The more I read how others do them, the easier it gets. But my biggest struggle is when it comes to older works. I have to go digging for the log line and sometimes it isn’t even the correct one. But I am getting there. Thanks for the post.
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I can’t even remember what my first one was. Which may be latent humiliation blocking my memory. Anyway, the (current) final one is:
A exiled princess has to defeat War before he destroys the whole of Creation.
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I’ll take a stab at commenting on some of these others. 🙂
I *love* Piper’s, but post-Kristen’s help, that’s not surprising. We all know she’s awesome-dipped-in-glitter. LOL! I think the thing that really makes it work is the contrast between “befriend” and “worst enemy”. That already has conflict before you even get to the antagonist. Great job!
Hi Eric! I don’t know you, but I’ll butt in here anyway. 🙂
I wonder if the “wrong girl” aspect is important or powerful enough to get your point across. Maybe think about why that’s important. Is it that her new Master is an enemy? Is it that she’s not powerful enough to do the job? If you get to the heart of the issue, it might come across stronger (“Enslaved to her worst enemy by a magical contract, a young witch/girl/etc. must protect…”).
Next, I’d take a look at the “exploit” phrase. While “exploit” is a strong word, “old mistakes” doesn’t really tell me anything and neither does “powerful knowledge”. In other words, I don’t know why that would be bad. Okay, the rival is demonic, but the conflict is more about the stakes – what would he *do* with that powerful knowledge?
Does that make sense? I hope that helps!!!
Hi Suzi! Oh yes, that last one works for me. To punch it up even more, you could amp up the description of what the monster is doing (…before it kills another one of her young clients/charges/etc.) – something to get in there that the victims are young innocents (if that’s the case with your story, just guessing 🙂 ). In other words, putting a face to the victims might make the stakes sound more powerful and dangerous. Does that help?
Hi Shelli! Hmm, we need an antogonist in there and we need details of why its dangerous to his health. Even if he’s his own worst enemy, that needs to be mentioned – i.e.: Billy Bob must overcome his fear of…before… What is he trying to accomplish and why? Hope that helps! Feel free to tweet me if you want to bounce more ideas off me.
Hi Kerry! Oh, well done! I love seeing how you simplified yours. Hopefully, that will help others figure out theirs. And um, I have no suggestions for you, because I think it’s great! 🙂
Hi Anne-Mhari! Hmm, I think I know what you’re trying to go for, but it doesn’t quite work because anyone who hasn’t read your story doesn’t know what *you* mean by War. To people who haven’t read your story, that word is a vague concept without intentions to do anything. You’ll notice that log lines don’t usually name the characters, so I think you’d be better off going with a description than his (I’m assuming) proper name. (“An exiled princess has to defeat an immortal warrior/the ultimate warrior/etc before he destroys the whole of Creation.”) In other words, some description to get across the idea that this guy is unbeatable and has been around since the dawn of time. (At least, I think that’s the gist of the character. If not, that’s exactly why going with names rather than descriptions doesn’t help people interpret your words the way you want them to.) Does that make sense? I hope that helps!
Donna, please forgive me for this long comment. 🙂 I hope this helps your readers!
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Thanks so much for that. I always assume everyone will see things the way I do, but of course they don’t. I was going for “god of war”, hence the capitalisation, but I guess it won’t meant the same to others that it does to me.
So, an exiled princess must defeat the god of war before he destroys all of Creation.
Now it sounds boring… 😦 Hopefully this is another case where people won’t see things the way I do 🙂
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Thx Jami.
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Sounds fun! May I play? Log lines & query letters are my weakest areas. 🙂
First attempt:
When an archangel unleashes hell on earth, he must enlist Lucifer’s help to defeat a demon more powerful than the Devil himself.
Second attempt:
An archangel must enlist Lucifer’s help to prevent an ancient demon from stealing a pentacle that would give it unlimited power.
The first log line seemed too vague and there weren’t any specific stakes. I hope the second is a bit better. LOL
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Not sure if this is a log line or a hook, but I’ll toss into the mix. 🙂
Emma’s paranormal abilities help find her soul mate, James – unfortunately, he has another soul spirit living inside him; to free it is the ultimate act, and Emma doesn’t like it – James will have to die.
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Hi Anne-Mhairi,
I haven’t read your work, but I knew it was a personification/incarnation/god of war because it was capitalized. (Of course, Creation was capitalized as well, but I didn’t think that was an incarnation, so what does that say?)
Having said that, I like the second version better, and don’t find it boring at all (so you’re in luck there 🙂
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Yay Jami! Thank you for cutting through to the heart of the matter again! Thank you, thank you!
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Hi Donna!
Log lines, my favourite subject. And no, you didn’t embarrass yourself, it was excellent. If you want to see embarrassing, you should see my first drafts of …. well anything I written. But you won’t because I’m hitting the delete key right now 🙂
I really believe a log line is the most important thing to creating a story. It gives the characters purpose, first the antag and, as a consequence, the protag. With that in place we can choose the best combination of plot, characters and settings to generate interest and excitement in the reader without the fear that minor points on the story will overwhelm the main problem. It also makes us find a story worthy problem. One that is interesting enough and big enough to fill a book without requiring add-ons to fill it up.
I don’t have my original log line. I’ve wondered around in the desert of serial killers, rapists, painters and double (no, wait triple) agents for so long I can’t remember where I started. So here’s mine.
A British mathematician must rescue a group of girls from a German general before he seals a pact with the Devil and condemns them to Hell.
Hummmm. For some strange reason I can hear laughing in the far distance … 🙂 But really, I’m open to anyone’s comments.
Following in Jami’s footsteps, here are my thoughts on some of the log lines above
Piper – great (and no mention of wielding big guns anywhere!)
Jami – con artist vs mind control is good contrast, peaks interest. Does the escape from the mind control happens early in the book? If so then the protag has overcome their obstacle before the climatic scene, which isn’t so good. The protag’s obstacle needs to be the one they overcome at the end of the book.
Eric – Along the right lines, but it feels more like back cover write up than log line. The log line has to help the writer and convey what the book is about to people involved in production of the book. It’s not meant for the eventual reader (who might well be very interested by your line). There’s no explicit obstacle for the protag to overcome and only a reference to a consequence.
Suzi – “stop” isn’t very engaging. Kill, banish to another dimension, lock up in tooth fairly jail all tend to give a more graphic idea of what’s going to happen. The second version is the sort of thing you would put on the back cover, but I don’t think it helps in writing the book. But I do like the tooth fair idea.
Shellie – why does Billy Bob find making friends hazardous? Whats the consequences?
Kerry – Brilliant. Spot on.
Anne-Mhariri – Your 2nd post sounds interesting. God and creation are nice parallels. But (and I have to apologize for being and engineer here) where is the god of war going to live after he destroys all of creation? What’s he going to do? It sounds exciting and its on the right lines but the logical consequences make it seem weak to me.
I’m sure by now you’re cursing not having a word limit on replies!
Thanks for the post. It was great, and the log lines are all creative (despite my grumpy comments!). And as a plus, you even worked “crumpet” in!
Cheers
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Thx Nigel.
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Got some help from Jami – tell me what ya’ll think –
“A lonely man must recover his stolen memories from a rival sorcerer before he steals his power and his life.”
Please feedback!!!!
sdsakai@yahoo.com
@shelliesakai – follow and i will follow you!
shellie sakai – facebook – friend me!
Thanks everyone!
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Nigel and Jami – Thanks for the advice! You both got me thinking more carefully about what my book is actually about, and it seems I had a case of mistaken protagonist. I think I also stole the stakes from the next planned book (oops.)
Coming in as my sixth official attempt:
“A Daemon must rescue his lover from a malicious rival after a contractual mix-up strips him of his possessions and power.”
That’s more like it, yes?
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Shellie and Eric. My egotistical guilt chip is close to the point of breakdown … but you did ask for comment.
First comment is that they are much better. They both have antag, protag and stakes.
Shellie – Maybe playing with the words a little might make it more snappy.
A lonely sorcerer must recover his memories, stolen by a rival, before he uses them to steal his life.
Eric – glad to hear you cleared up your protag issues (sure there’s a joke in that somewhere, but moving on).
Contractual issues have never really got my heart pounding (at least not in log line context). If its a comedy that might be really good, but if its not…
The consequences have really happened, the Daemon has already been (I presume) stripped of his power. The bigger consequence (and what I assume is the culmination of your book) would be what happens to his lover if he doesn’t rescue her.
Perhaps if you re-thought the word malicious to define your antag, you might more clearly see the final stakes.
Despite my negative comments, both of your log lines seem much better to me and I hope you get something out having one.
Cheers
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My logline: A best-selling author is helping an out-of-work actor to get back into acting.
Did that work? Logline is something I need to familiarize myself in.
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It’s a good start if the author and the actor are the protag and antag. Whats mssing is the consequences if the pro tag fails. What’s at stake? It doesn’t have to be that the worlds going to come to an end, but there has to be something tangible that makes the reader want the protag to achieve. It should be the climax to the book.
Cheers
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